I love the asshole type relationship.
You don’t always have to be sweet and lovey dovey all the time. You can act like total assholes to each other and be mean. That’s when you know there is comfortably in the relationship. Making fun of each other, calling each other mean names, with out meaning it at all, abusing each other. Abusing as in joking around. The playful fighting. But, that wont hurt anybody. That’s another way to show love.
(via ynahxd)
Dear awesome,
I don’t know where to write, I just don’t want to go and keep tapping on my phone again just to release my thoughts. ‘Kay, I’ve been spending the night trying too feel something, been looking at our pictures, from the time we first get to be together at school, to our first official date, our first Christmas, the first time he spent the day with my family—my entire clan actually, the first time we went on an outing—which is again, with my family, even the latest which was at an event just last week. I feel like such an asshole for feeling like this, I mean, he’s one of the best guys there is, he’s responsible, intelligent, studious, very hardworking, and he has goals. Very rarely do I get to know a guy like him. We had goals set, him graduating next year and working early for our future, me graduating a few years from now, passing the board then we get to work for our future together. We decided that we’d work in the same company, get married at 28-ish, start our own family. We even argued what the name of our kids would be—if it was a boy or a girl, or both. I already met his family twice, they were all great people; they were classy, educated, and well, I was actually intimidated. I don’t know how to act around them, or even around him. He also met mine of course, except my dad, Hitler II, who was overseas at the time my boyfriend visited my family. Enough of the stories.
All these plans, I really struggled to not only think of them, but also try to get closer to them one step at a time. Sometimes I feel like a fucking social climber, trying to speak in goddamn English all of the time (for Christ’s sake! I’m a fucking Filipino!), well that’s what I’m doing right now anyway, I express myself more this way, and blah blah, back to topic. I also feel like an angel (O:-D), like I don’t curse around him (well, quite, depends on the situation actually). But if I were to relate the curse words I let out when I’m with him than when I’m with my friends, it’s around 1:100. I am a fucking innocent angel, hell yeah! I also tryyyy so goddamn hard at my program right now, which in fact I really hate but I am forced to take because my aunt was a very successful engineer and in this case this argument is a really fucked up logic. My boyfriend is a dean’s lister, and I feel so awful whenever I fail in anything school-related. It makes me feel unworthy. My boyfriend also, is somewhat rich, but not that billionaire-rich, probably a hundred times richer than our family, so I sort of try to keep up with his lifestyle, but he is very adaptive and that’s what I love about him. I tried to make him eat ‘pares’ around our school, which my friends and I used to love before, but he disliked it, well he didn’t really say that but I could tell from his face that time that he didn’t really like it, which made me realize that I have to stop bringing him down to my level, and meet him halfway. So we tried to balance our daily food dates, fast foods, Korean restaurants, blah, it was okay. He was awesome. He always kisses me in the forehead. So fucking sweet. So why am I spilling all these complaints anyway if he has been so awesome for the past year? I don’t know. I think it’s always me who is the problem.
He waits for me everyday, well, I wait for him to like, twice a week. And he also comes to school early just to have lunch with me. He treats me from time to time, and he surprises me too—with stuffs like matching iPod covers, accessories and whatever. He first gave me flowers while we were supposed to go the office, which was sweet because I wasn’t really expecting it, him going from Paranaque to Manila in the morning to go get some flowers, then back to Ayala to fetch me. T’was unforgettable. Sadly, that was the last. I’m not being demanding, it’s just that, I’m also a girl, don’t I deserve sweetness from time to time? :( I remember Valentines’ Day, it was our first Valentines together, of course, I’m the stupid girl who always expects, though we have told each other like a million times already NOT to expect because in the end, we know we’ll be disappointed. Everyone of my friends has been asking me, what has my boyfriend done for me so far on that Valentines’ Day. I don’t have a fucking answer. At the end of the day, nothing. I cried, I cried so hard, and yes, in his shoulders. Of course he said he was sorry, that he didn’t know what to do in occasions like these, like we could treat this as another regular day, (inside my head, yesss, a regular day where all you see are couples and girls holding whatevervalentineshit), I said okay, I’ll let it slide. It was my birthday two days before Valentines’ Day anyway, he gave me a box of dozens of handcrafted flowers, with letters in each flower, I really appreciate the effort he has put on to doing that.
Damn Valentines.. Valentines alone was a lot happier than that day. It like, left a rift in my girly heart. ;| Anyway, I know I had my fair share of stupidity. I tried to break up with him several times already, I know that this isn’t because I’m bipolar, but it’s because I don’t feel happy. I know that it isn’t just because I’m not happy with him, but also because I feel shit about myself and everyone around me. My family’s been on the rocks for the past few months, dad has no job, we’re barely holding on thanks to my very very supportive relatives, but I guess we’re happy anyway. But I feel bad for us, most of the time. This only adds up to me feeling bad about our relationship, but again, I know I’m the only shit who keeps expecting, I’m the only shit who is immature. I know that he is very much capable of being a good boyfriend, I just don’t know if it is to be a good boyfriend for me. I sometimes feel like my goals are his goals, some I am forced to dream about. HE IS AWESOME. He is perfect. I just feel like, we’re not compatible. He’s family-oriented, he’s got a lot of friends, he has a bright future ahead of him. I don’t know if I could ride on with this. Why was I looking at our pictures? I was trying to get that feeling, that loving feeling everytime I look at him. And now, it’s just blank. I’m trying damn hard to get that feeling back, because I don’t want to lose it. I know in my mind that I love him, and that he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I just want to stop giving so much, because I feel like I’m not receiving enough. I’m wrong to have my life revolve around him, and that I have learned to stop. But I want to at least feel special to him. He always tells me he loves me. But I don’t know, action speaks louder than words I guess.
Right now, we’ve decided to go back at where we began, and we’re currently in the getting to know stage (haha) and I don’t know.. It still feels different. I just want that feeling back. I want to love him soooooo much that I don’t know where all my love went. D: Damn, I love you awesome. So effin much. I hope you don’t read this so you won’t know all of these. Blah. Also, because I know if ever you read this, all my fucking points will be pointless. It’s because you always win in every argument, conversation or whatever. Please let me have my points and pretend that you haven’t laid your eyes in my stupid story. =D
Love,
Stupid
Elizabeth Báthory is one of the most prolific serial killers in all of history.
She was born into nobility and was highly educated but also very vain.
One day, infuriated, Elizabeth struck one of her servant girls so hard that some blood dripped from her face onto Elizabeth’s hand and she immediately thought that her skin took on a glowing freshness of her young maid.
Elizabeth believed she had found the secret of eternal youth. After this, women were abducted and hung upside down, while they were still alive and their throats were slit to prepare Elizabeth’s bath.
The Countess of Transylvania and four collaborators were accused of torturing and killing hundreds of girls, with one witness attributing to them over 650 victims, though the number for which they were convicted was 80. Elizabeth herself was neither tried nor convicted.
(via dirty-ponies)
OMG I DIED.
